The Curse of a Fangirl
by MsNita
Summary: Alucard finds himself in an interesting predicament when a simple American girl catches him. I certainly have my wily ways. DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters of Hellsing, but I wish I owned Alucard *giggles*.


Alucard stared at the strange, but wicked creature before him. He was confused because she had Integra's eyes, but the spark held just a bit of the insanity he had. However, she was not related to either of them in any way. It was more likely she'd be a distant blood of Anderson than Integra. She vexed him because one moment she'd be calm and collected like Luke Valentine then loud and rowdy like the other Valentine the next. She didn't curse, which he found interesting. Plus, she could carry on an intelligent conversation, although it took him a little while to get more than just a sentence out of her. She gave him a good bit of information about herself freely after a while like she had nothing to hide. The only bit of information that he didn't get that he wanted terribly was her name and how she had managed to actually tie him up.

Now, he was glowering at her as she smiled sweetly back. She somehow managed to keep escaping his hypnotic gaze, but he could swear she was staring at his face. She certainly wasn't staring at his groin, even though she did give it the expected glance as they sized each other up.

She had stripped him of his guns and were now inspecting them. Naturally, she commented on how heavy they were, but respectfully, she didn't ask him if they were compensating for anything, which they weren't. He practically went into a tizzy as she somehow dismantled them. He had remembered had said at one point in the conversation that she had never held a gun, despite practically every man in her family had one, most often rifles. When she tried to put them back together, she ended up cutting her finger. Alucard's head shot up at the sight as her finger moved to her lips.

"Hey," he purred, causing her to pause, "come here."

Surprisingly, she obeyed as she slowly got up and made her way to him. She held out her finger as the bright red blood, full of oxygen, steadily seeped out. She held the bleeding appendage a few inches before him as he opened his mouth suggestively.

"I want your word that you won't bite my finger off," she stated dominantly.

"What will you do if I do?" he asked, taunting her.

"I'll test out a few theories I have," she replied, passing a glance over his entire body, "painful ones."

The challenge intrigued him, but considering she did have him tied up, the promise was quite obvious that she might be capable of doing so. He was willing to take his chances. He smirked at her, informing her that she didn't scare him. Although, despite her promises and dangerous potential, he could see her innocent aversion to pain.

"I give you my word," he promised.

She granted him her wounded finger, which mouth his mouth engulfed greedily. His tongue slid across the bleeding wound. It was bigger than he would have thought as the tip of his tongue pressed into it. She didn't grimace as he did so. At the taste of her blood, he could tell that her blood sugar was relatively high and that that ran through her family line. He could tell that she didn't take very good care of herself, even though she tried. He didn't taste the effects of alcohol or drugs within her blood. The one thing he learned by the taste of her blood that brought a burning to his loins... she was a virgin.

Slowly, she pulled her finger from his mouth with a surprising pop. She glanced at her pale, almost blue, finger before looking back at him. She sighed as she shook her hand to get the blood flowing through her finger properly.

"You're hungry, aren't you," she stated more so than asked.

The corner of his lips twitched into a smirk. He knew she wouldn't let him drink his fill of _her_, but the thought pulled at the corners of his mouth nonetheless. She sighed again as she decided what she was going to do with him. She told him to stay put, as if he had a choice, and that she would be back. Then she left as he checked his surroundings and stared at his dismantled guns dejectedly.

He wondered what materials she had him tied up with because he was now about as pathetic as a human. He shifted in his chair until he had the chair rocking back and forth. Unfortunately, he ended up pushing too far back. He shook his head violently as the chair stood on its back legs for a prolonged second, until it fell entirely.

"Ow," he stated half-heartedly.

He stayed like that for a while, just staring at the ceiling. Finally, he crossed his legs due to boredom of waiting. His foot bobbed up and down as he hummed to himself. He looked at his surroundings with more attentiveness this time.

He was impressed that she was daring enough to keep him in her room. Her room was dark and green like a jungle. Her bed, which was big enough for two, had a green comforter with big cats all over it. Her other furniture was made of cherry wood and had a few scratches on them. There was a leopard print rug next to her bed, and above her bed was a photograph of fungi growing on a tree, but it _was_ pleasing to look upon.

It was this photograph that he was looking at when she came back. She paused at the sight of him as he looked over his knees. She set a bag on her drawers and walked over to him.

"I thought I told you to stay put," she commented as she struggled to right him.

"What the hell did you tie me up with?" Alucard yelled.

"Trade secret," she replied, giving him a kiss on the cheek, "however, if you promise not to run away, I'll let you loose."

Alucard thought about it as she stood there waiting. It would be too easy, and quick, to snap her neck and go. He would love to drink her dry of every last drop of blood, but he wondered if he'd later regret it. All the ways he could kill her passed through his warped mind, except he was too intrigued by her. He wondered if she would be as much fun as Integra.

Let's find out, he thought as he said, "I promise."

"Don't make a mess," she stated, undoing his restraints.

She tossed the bag over to him before sitting on the edge of her bed. He set the bag, which apparently had donated blood in it, down and walked over to her. When he attempted to lay her on her back, she pushed him off and away.

"Either eat and behave," she warned, "or get tied up again."

He held his hands up, retaining his snide smirk as he stared down at her. He went back to the bag he had discarded to see she had brought him an array of blood types, including them coming in both positive and negative. How she had managed to get a hold of so much, let alone one, was a mystery in of itself. He wasn't about to complain, though.

She watched patiently as he fed, which was unusual for him. He was used to watching other people eat, enjoying how much it unnerved them. However, it irritated him like it would a dog to have a cat watch him eat. He was half-tempted to growl at her and bare his fangs, but he was a little too occupied with filling his belly.

"Boy, you certainly are hungry," she commented, "the glutton king that you are."

He simply stuck out of his tongue before realizing what he was doing. She giggled as she stated that she hoped she had enough blood. He could have cared less either way. By the time he was done having his fun, she'd be dead.

"Well," she hummed, walking toward him, "while I have you, I think I'll put you to good use. After all, you said you'd behave."

In a sneaky, little manner that seemed to fit her, she kissed him on the crown of his head. He eyed her warily as he swallowed his last sip of blood. The glint in her eyes actually worried him, which gave him of feeling of surrealism. He would have laughed because of this, but he wasn't sure how'd she react.

Nonchalantly, he followed her out of her room into a small hallway to the living room. What he saw left him floored and a little insulted. On the sofa, there sat a pile of clothes that needed to be folded. He was certain that she wasn't expecting him to fold clothes, that was so... domestic. His enemies might have called him, "Hellsing's lapdog," but he was far above any task as menial as this.

"Would you help me fold the laundry," she asked sweetly, "I know that this chore is on the side of 'domestic,' but it might help me from getting distracted."

He was a bit surprised that it was more for her benefit than his humiliation. Reluctantly, he sat on the sofa and helped the girl fold the laundry. After they had taken the clothes to their respected rooms, she had him put away the clean dishes that she had just washed. Throughout the next two hours, he helped her with other menial chores.

Soon enough, she sat down and exclaimed, "That's the last of it. We are through with the chores."

"So, now what do you want to do with me?" Alucard asked, eyeing her exposed neck.

He sat next to her after she patted the spot next to where she was sitting. It amused him greatly when she leaned over and used his lap as a pillow. She was in such a vulnerable position and she looked so comfortable. For a brief moment, they simply enjoyed being able to do nothing.

"You know, you're going to have to keep me entertained," he stated, "unless you want to end up dead... or undead."

"You need to behave," she countered, "I don't think your master will appreciate cleaning up a mess you made in America."

"Probably not," he mused, "she wasn't very happy about the last draculina I brought home."

"Why are you in America anyway?" she asked, rolling over on her back to look up at him.

"An organization had asked for our help with some vampire trouble," he stated, realizing why he could never pull her in a trance. Yes, she was staring at his face, but her eyes were upon his lips.

"Ah, I see," she stated, "I take it you have finished your task then."

"Yes," he answered.

"Ain't it a shame," she stated, getting up, "that you won't have time to bite me."

"Oh really?" he asked, getting ready to pounce.

"Really," she replied, opening the door to reveal Integra.

Alucard paused as the girl opened the door for Integra, gladly welcoming her into her home. Integra shook the girl's hand, thanking her for keeping Alucard out of trouble. Alucard grunted in disdain at Integra's thought of him needing a babysitter.

I'm over 500 years old, dammit, he thought.

His disdain did not escape the girl's eye as she said, " Now, don't look at us like that. It was because of the last draculina and the other chaos that has followed you that Integra saw the need for someone to keep an eye on you."

"I know nothing of the sort," he replied.

"I'm sure," they both replied, catching him off guard.

"Do I detect a ganging up on me?" he asked.

"Considering the evidence it's hardly a fair fight," the girl stated.

"My master," Alucard muttered, working up his charm, "I'm hurt that you would portray me as a villain."

"May I?" the girl asked Integra.

"By all means," Integra replied.

"Alucard, you are not some angst ridden vampire that wears fag glitter like from _Twilight_," she stated, getting a snicker from Integra, "quite the opposite, you are a lean, mean, killing machine, emphasis on the killing. Integra wasn't my only source of info on you, but excluding your little draculina, Seras, she painted you in a less evil light."

"I'm impressed," Integra mentioned, "you didn't exaggerate when you said you did as much research as was available to you."

Alucard didn't mind being contrasted to his embarrassment, the _Twilight_ vampires. In fact, he had planned on paying a visit to Stephanie Meyer after he had finished his mission. His plans, however, were interrupted when entering an alley he ran into that evil girl with the innocent cheshire grin. The oxymoron in the description only intrigued him even more. His only goal now was to get away from her before she could spoil any more of his fun.

"I'll go retrieve my guns," Alucard muttered.

"Oh yeah, you're going to have to get someone to put them back together," the girl told Integra as Alucard growled in detest.

As Alucard entered her room, he didn't notice the dejected pout appear on his face as he stared at his dismantled guns. If one were to walk in, they would relate the scene to a child looking upset over his broken toys. He slowly picked up the pieces being sure that he picked up every last one.

He tried to hide his depression as Integra stared in amazement at his dismantled beauties. To be sure she was seeing correctly, she lifted a piece before carefully placing it back. Almost close to insult to injury, she whistled at the impossible task made possible by a mere girl.

"Well, I suppose we should take our leave," Integra breathed out in disbelief.

"Oh, wait just a moment," the girl sputtered before running to her room.

"Let's not and say we did," Alucard pleaded, afraid that she was getting that diabolical chain of hers.

Integra glared at him, warning him to stay put. It wasn't long before she returned with a shoebox. Alucard purposely got in front of Integra avoiding any chance of that chain ending up in her hands. However, when the girl opened the shoe box she handed it to him.

"So you can place your guns in," she stated, "... to not lose any pieces."

Alucard growled at her as he held his loaded arms away from her. To put his guns in that box was like putting a pet in a shoebox to be buried. The thought almost hit a last nerve until Integra assisted him in putting the pieces in the box, much like a mother helping a stubborn child.

"Don't worry," the girl said in a sing-song voice, "the person who made these guns can certainly put them back together."

Alucard growled as his face inched closer hers and stated, "He's dead."

"Oh, I'm sorry," she muttered, grabbing the box, "here, let me give it another try."

Alucard could practically feel the steam blowing out his ears. They waited as the girl successfully separated the pieces to their correct gun. Slowly, carefully, patiently, she examined each piece before connecting it to another. It was over an hour later before she had the Casull put back together and was working on the Jackal.

She left it up to Alucard to decide whether they were in working order still. He refused to admit his excitement at their renewed forms, but he was impressed. She had put them back together and she didn't even have a single piece left over. They were just as beautiful as the day Walter gave them to him.

"I take it you're satisfied," Integra asked.

"Yes, my master," Alucard mused.

"And?"

"I'm ready to leave."

"Bloody git," Integra muttered before thanking the girl again.

They were leaving as Integra had to force Alucard to say goodbye since he wasn't going to thank her. He grunted one out, determined to get away from this devil-woman. He couldn't stifle the hiss that came out as she embraced him from behind. Integra's giggles at his behavior didn't help matters any.

Once they were in the car and leaving, all reason and levels of maturity just left Alucard. He plastered his face against the window and stuck his tongue out as far as it could go. The wretched woman broke out laughing as his master was looking at him like he was an idiot.

It had been two weeks since Alucard had returned with Integra to the manor. Alucard had returned to his normal life before his trip to America. He came back without even looking back, determined to forget that trip.

He was up and ready for another night of slaying monster that go bump in the night. However, he wasn't going to be able to go anywhere until his master gave him a mission. That wasn't going to happen until he found his master. She was nowhere to be found, which upset him because he terribly wanted a mission.

"Seras," Alucard called, "where has our master gone?"

"Don't you remember master," Seras replied, "she went to pick up that guest we're supposed to be housing."

Alucard grunted in distaste. He hated having guests, it always meant he had to behave. Integra never set a date on when their guest would be leaving, which meant they might be staying for a while. Alucard suppressed the shudder that came with the thought. As long as the guest stayed out of his way, he could care less.

Seras had already returned to what she was doing before Alucard had found her. He decided he'd entertain himself while Integra was out. He had recently got back into the habit of finding ways to get under her skin. The myriad of responses always gave him a rise.

Today, he decided to try something that was decidedly out of character for him, but that's what made the results so intriguing. He would even get a response out of Seras with this stunt, at least out of the norm of her usual responses. Even if he received a bullet in the head, he knew it would be well worth it.

Casually, he entered his master's bedroom and made his way to her drawers. He opened a drawer as a sneaky smile appeared when her selection of lingerie appeared. There were sections in there that he never suspected her to have. He was beginning to think the endeavor couldn't be done; he couldn't decide. There was a slight moment when he was about to change tactics until he saw it, the ensemble that seemed like it was made for this stunt.

He watched as his master entered the door. It was perfect, consequences be damned. He stood at the top of the staircase waiting for her to notice him. However, their guest noticed him first,

"I never expected him to pull a _Rocky Horror Show_ move," she stated as he remembered that voice.

"Alucard!" Integra screamed as her face was bathed in red.

"You might want to burn those," the girl whispered before calling, "Hi Alucard."


End file.
